I decided to commit to what I was doing. At first I believed this meant I had to do and like everything that was put before me, which drove me crazy. As time went on, I began to realize that, while I was more committed to what I was doing, I wouldn't be able to keep it up. Also, I came to the conclusion that I was trying to be more present in order to live a richer life with greater connections, yet the pathway I was travelling wasn't taking me closer to that goal.
To me, it's interesting to look back and see how my thought process and view changed from committing to what I'm doing, to committing to what I can and want to do. I've learned that in order to accomplish this, I have to prioritize my family and self. Our relationships, happiness, progress, spirituality, goals, health.
I love running across these two bridges. The struggle and fight to run up the bridge, the moment just before the peak when you're uncertain of the ability to achieve your small goal, and the beautiful moment when you've plateaued and look up to find yourself seemingly flying over water. It's freeing.
These two bridges are attached to two streets that unite at one end, the other ends head off in different directions, forming a "V". As I ran across one the other day, and essentially turned around at the bottom of the "V" to run across the other bridge, I felt so proud as I looked at the opposing bridge and thought of my small accomplishment of having run the bridge.
For some reason, this run and these two bridges have left a profound mark on my mind and I've thought about it many times. Today, it finally came together for me. When I turned around, one could say that I was moving backward. "If you aren't moving forward, you're moving backward" has always been something I've driven into myself. It's motivated me, but it's also exhausted me many times. When I look at the two bridges, I see that moving backward isn't so bad sometimes. Especially if it eventually takes you the way you need to go.
Our family relationships, happiness, peace, education, finances, spirituality, personal and familial goals, progress, minimalism and material balance, and general well-being continually ebbs and flows, and I've tried to define what we're working toward. Especially since we've really been able to set some new goals as a family. I think I've finally done it.
I call it; Life Lived Intentionally